Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
