please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
