So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
