I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
