Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
