So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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