I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize