IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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