it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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