Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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