Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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