I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
