The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
