the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
