i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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