I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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