She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
