no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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