Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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