I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
