that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
