In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
