If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
