so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize