every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
