Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
