Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
