Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
