I didn't shave. On purpose
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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