there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
