cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
