i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
