I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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