am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
