You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
