I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
