just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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