i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
