im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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