Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
