Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
