I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
