she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize