Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
