dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
