oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize