I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
