and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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