I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
