i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize