Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
