I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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