She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
