You're completely useless in the revolution.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
