I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
