Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
