He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
