you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
