ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
