after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
