Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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