if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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