she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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