So drunk, too bad you don't want this
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
