So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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