You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
