It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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