Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
