i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
