If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
