just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
