My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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