It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's blow job season.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
