sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
