i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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