I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
