Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
