We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
