I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
