mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
