It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
