I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
