playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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