i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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