I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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