you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
