Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
