I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
