It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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