he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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