she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
