Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
