ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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