I skipped work to stalk him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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