Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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