Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
